When Life Keeps Kicking You

Kick back comes to mind.

Kick back? As in kick it back, like in the face kind of kick back or put your feet up and relax kind of kick back?

I’m in a funk. I am trying to remember some of the positive things I’ve accomplished in my life. Yes, life has kicked me repeatedly and yes, I am down and it still keeps kicking me.

I don’t want to lose hope. I am finding it hard to not shed a tear at the smallest unkind word.

I overheard a conversation between two lovers.

Him: “Why can’t you come?”

Her: “I already came, what more do you want from me?”

Him: “I want you to come again. What’s wrong with you?”

Silence

WTF!?

It, strange I know, reminds me of similar conversations I have with people I know.

I am having trouble finding work. The comments that hurt worse than anything right now are “you are so techie, you should do something with computers” and “quit messing around and find something, anything”.

The first one is a no brainer. I am techier than most people that I know. I am not, however, a specialist in anything computer related. I just have enough knowledge to get me by.

The second one cuts like a knife. I have put in applications for everything from tech to fast food. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

All I can think of is “what is wrong with me?”

I am trying not to lose hope.

What I am facing has me as a stand-still. Like my youngest son, I am without transportation. I have a truck, but my tags are about to expire. I am also out of money, and out of fuel. I try to be grateful that I have a roof over my head and food in the apartment, but…

All my applications either have to be put in online or by mail now. Next problem, what if someone calls for an interview? How in the heck am I going to get there? Walk. I will walk. What’s a 10 mile walk anyway? Not to mention that I haven’t had any hits on my applications or resumes as it is.

I am trying not to lose hope.

I am trying not to cry. “Don’t play the girl card, Kay.”