Time

The most precious gift that we have.

There are moments when we feel we don’t have enough, and then there are moments when we feel like we have too much to bear.

The most precious gift that we can give to another is our time. Undivided attention for just a moment or two. It is hard to do, until you learn to do it freely and on demand.

It’s a balancing act. Learning to know when someone is being an attention whore or when someone needs, and yes I mean needs, your time. Just a moment of it.

I went to the post office and then to Wal*Mart. I have been in my head lately, counting the hours, days and weeks until I mark a year here in New Hampshire. Do I stay or do I go.

I also complicated my life here by giving too much time to things and people that really don’t matter or need that much of my time. Some of my time is an investment in establishing myself here. Some of it is given solely to make my life easier. The later being a heavy price to pay.

A line from a song comes to mind (yes, I am ADD and all over the place – the dots will connect, I promise). “I can’t afford to care.”

I have been eating out on the beach lately. Spending money I honestly cannot afford to spend. I can’t spend any more time earning money – I have very little time left for that. I was focused, oh so focused, while walking through Wal*Mart. Two items. Two. No more. Grape Nuts and those pads you put in shoes to keep them from slipping off your heel. Two.

I was focused. Overly focused. I have little to no self-control while shopping. I also need to move out soon. As in SOON.

A woman approached me. She asked if I knew anything about horoscopes. I didn’t, but I could Google it for her. She simply wanted to purchase a tee-shirt with the correct horoscope for her daughter, who was into astrology.

It took 15 minutes to find the information. More than just a moment. However, it was the most fun I have had in a very long time.

Wal*Mart isn’t kind to cell phone service from the start, much less internet service. We moved around the store eventually going toward the door to even get 1 bar of service. All the while we were giggling and rerouting traffic from the aisles we were dominating.

She thanked me from the bottom of her heart for helping her. It was me that was grateful. She reminded me of how precious my time and attention is, when I allow myself to do things that fill me with pleasure and joy.

Such a simple thing. Time. To be so complex, it is simple. Don’t rush. Rushing only makes time move faster and us more tired. Slow, steady and with purpose makes it all balance out.

Time. Time spent with a temporary friend made at a store. Casual conversation with others while stuck on the expressway for hours after a horrible wreck. Time used well. Shared time is so precious. It is a gift that we can offer others, and if we accept it, we can receive the same from others.

Nothing feels as awesome as someone taking a few moments of their precious time and gifting it to us with their help, knowledge or company.

I am glad that I decided to drive all the way to Wal*Mart just to save a few bucks on my cereal. I gained so much more.

A Tuesday Ten

1. I apparently suck at being a blogger of late. I can’t remember the last time I posted.
2. Cash flow plan sounds SO much better than budgeting. Food regimen also sounds better than dieting.
3. Dear pedestrian, I know that you have right of way, however…standing in the middle of the intersection while talking on your cell phone is wrong in more ways than you realize. You are rude and yes, sometimes I wonder how you would feel if my foot slipped of the brake.
4. I acted like a grownup last week. I not only opened a checking account, I also opened a savings account. I am having part of my paycheck automatically deposited into my savings as well. I also paid off two people that I owed money. Sweet.
5. Trying to remember to not take things personally is very very difficult. I’ve done it for so long that it’s a hard habit to break. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not that powerful and cannot control the world around me. I am NOT everyone else’s happiness guru. Who would want me to be? I can’t even keep myself happy 99% of the time.
6. I love my job but suck at it.
7. My truck, bless her, has decided to start getting 16 mpg lately as opposed to the 14 I got before.
8. My ‘muffin top’ belly will not go away. Sit ups aren’t doing the trick so I have included walking and more stretching (yoga). Something better start happening soon because I miss my Reese’s Cups and my cupcakes!
9. Ever since I tried to quit smoking, I smoke like a freight train.
10. Coloring my hair always makes me feel better. Toss in a professional hair cut and brow wax – I am in heaven.

10 Things…

…to not leave in your car during the hot summer months (along with kids and pets!):

Some of these I knew, but some I didn’t ever think about.

1. Crayons
2. Lipstick
3. Soda cans (unopened)
4. Bottled water
5. Sunglasses
6. CDs
7. Electronics
8. Lighters
9. Medicine – any kinds
10. Aerosol sprays

I did not know that if left in a hot car that the chemicals in the bottle can leech to the water.

I also didn’t know that lenses of sunglasses could warp in the heat – you would think the manufacturer would make them warp-proof (is that even possible?).

Electronics is a good one. Our car stereos are electronics – what if you can’t pull that sucker out. I know not to leave my cellphone in the car, but never thought anything of leaving my iPod in there.

Lighters and aerosol cans have always been something I’ve been afraid to leave in a vehicle when the temperatures sour. If I do, I won’t touch them or open the console until I am positive they are cooled down.

CDs? No wonder half of my stuff doesn’t play anymore.

Have a great Thursday everyone! Stay cool and safe!

Ewww, Yuk and Gross

I had a headache from Hades day before yesterday. Beloved sinus headache which leads to a knot in my neck (only because I tense up when I have a headache) and a muscle twitching in my side.

Fun day to say the least.

Then, I decided that I was going to get sick to my stomach. Wonderful, but yet it seems to make me feel better after its all said and done so I just try to go with it, and not cry. Yes, throwing up makes me cry. I hate it that much.

So, there I am rushing into the bathroom and this runs across the floor:

I have never seen one of these before. I hate centipedes & millipedes. Period. This looked like a mutant and boy can that sucker make time across a floor! They can even scale walls. Ewwwer, yukkier and grosser.

I did not scream. I wanted to, but didn’t.

When I was young, my older brother (in hopes that I would wear shoes) told me that those centipede and millipedes would crawl into my feet so I needed to wear shoes. At 49 I know this to not be true but…

So, I did what any normal person would do. I jumped onto the sink, grabbed some air freshener and doused the little sucker. It slowed it down enough for me to smush (is that a word?) it with a paper towel and toss it in the garbage. Did the full body shudder/shiver and then proceeded to get sick.

Once I felt better I had no choice but to Google the monster and reassure myself that it was harmless.

Ps. It is commonly referred to as a House Centipede. Not sure of its ‘technical’ name other than to me it is something that I hope to NOT encounter again any time soon. Give me spiders, snakes and other bugs. I can cope with those…

Location Is Key

Which says a lot about how people really don’t pay attention as long as it is convenient.

I get to laugh a lot. A.LOT

This is the street-side of where I am staying now. Yep, starting at the second door on down is the wall of my room here.

The sign above it says it is a laundromat.  There are  lighted vacancy signs, with instructions below to call the realty office for rental information. Confused? Don’t worry, you are not alone.

See the yellow sign in the foreground? That is by the laundry mat entrance (laundry mat not shown).

Above you see railings, which are rental apartments balconies. No arrow from the vacancy signs up to those. Nope.

Oh, the painted sign on the door between the vacancy signs reads: Seacoast Health Clinic.

Does it all make sense now?

Doesn’t to me either.

Here’s where the fun part begins. I live in the food kitchen. Saint Vincent uses this during the winter months to serve food to the homeless and poor. During the summer months my roommate and I live in the food kitchen to free up Unit #1, where we stay during the off season.

It is actually pretty cool, as in neat, but not really cool as in “cold” cool. It gets pretty hot in here when the sun hits the street side mid-afternoon.

Can we open those doors? Nope. Why? Cause people are idiots and don’t care where they are going or what they are after. We can’t even unlock them so we can use those front doors to go anywhere. Why, people pull the doors open thinking it is a restaurant? WTF?

As I sit here at the computer, or lay in the bed, or sit at the table to eat I can’t help but laugh at people that try the doors.

Why? They honestly think it is a restaurant. We don’t know if they’re really looking for food or possibly a public restroom but it is funny as hell to me that they would think either.

Seriously, even with the confusing signs NO WHERE is there a sign for food or bathrooms on the building. Not even one person, who might accidentally open one of the accidentally unlocked doors, ever says “oh, sorry. I thought this was the laundry mat” or “sorry, I thought this was the rental office”.

Nope, it’s always “is this not a restaurant?”

WTF.

Seriously people. I mean SERIOUSLY. With all the places to eat out here you have to choose what type of food you are going to score. Are these people so dazed, confused, excited or just so damned hungry that they will eat anything? Are they like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland , so desperate for a Twinkie food that they will open every available door in search of some?

Bonus picture – inside view of my room:

Bane Of My Existence

Okay, so there is more than one.

These damned No-See-Ums (aka midgies, sand flies, punkies and others…) can seriously ruin an evening at the picnic tables, and are worse near the beach. These suckers are only about 1-4mm long (.039-.157in –> 1/32” – 5/32”, which is a little bigger than 1/8”).

Talk about big things in small packages! Their bite is worse than a mosquito’s, too.

I read that using baby oil deters them. Nice, will have to try that.

At first I thought these strange whelps on my face and legs were coming from these big guys.

That maybe I was reacting to an ant bite differently up here.
^{don’t ask, stranger things have happened, especially where I’m involved}

Nope, it’s the No-See-Ums.

They can fly through screens. Sweet.

I wore shorts yesterday. So if you see me scratching my ass, you know why. F-ing no.see.ums.

Other ‘bane’s include: creepers, drunk pedestrians, drunk drivers, my inability to save money. Just name a few.

^{Note: bana = slayer, so yes I am being melodramatic.}

3in30 ~ 06.16.2011

Here it is a lovely Friday and I am off work! Doesn’t mean I’m not working, just not working at BBY today. Not sure what a truly lazy day consists of anymore, especially since I can’t manage to sit still for very long lately.

My goals this month are going well!

1. Keep progressing with my skills on the job.
2. Not spending money foolishly.
3. Keep a healthy respect for myself.

I love my job. I don’t know why I’ve never allowed to work somewhere that I truly adore and believe in – maybe because I have always been afraid I would spend my paycheck there? Who knows.

I’m glad I took the chance and it is working out great! I love my job. Sincerely love my job and the people I work with both in the store and my department.

I’m getting better at my job every day. I have also been afforded training opportunities by my supervisor off site. Wonderful gift that helps us all out!

I haven’t been spending money like crazy. Even on little things like candy, cupcakes and sodas. Even though it will take 8-10 minutes off my drive by taking toll roads, I don’t take them. Hey, $1.75 a day can really add up!

$1.50 per day x 5 days = $7.50 a week x 4.5 weeks = $33.75 a month x 12 months = $405 a year

I can only give kudos to Ruiz’s Four Agreements and my ability and willingness to apply them to keeping #3 going! The first agreement is to be impeccable (without sin) with your word. The second is to never take anything personally – whether it be a compliment or shooting you in the face. I know, the second example is extreme but it is all on the other person, whether it is good or bad, plus you don’t want to base your own self-esteem on what other people think of you – good or bad.

I am still working on the first and second agreements so I couldn’t tell you about the third and fourth agreements. Being honest with myself and others, only obligating myself to what I sincerely intend to do and making sure that I do meet my verbal obligations was a little trickier than I first thought.

Amazing how many ways I deceived myself and others before. Even more amazing is now that I am being true to my word, it is easier to not spend money to make myself feel better or think I would be a better person if I had this, that or the other. I have instant trust from others, even strangers (is it possible to radiate honesty?) and my self-respect has soared!

Even though I have run into some great trials this month, I have kept my faith and true to my path. It is all working out so nicely.

A collection agency called me the other day, at work. I was a little embarrassed but realized that this could be a gift if I choose to let it be. Plus, no one knew what the call was about anyway, which made my initial embarrassment very unnecessary!

I have been trying to find out who had my school loan from years ago. I mean YEARS ago. It defaulted and got passed around for awhile. This company that  had gotten the loan for collection managed to actually find me since I wasn’t honest/really looking for them.

So…instead of making excuses to them, I called them back when I got home and it is all working out better than I ever imagined. I am not only in a debt rehabilitation program through them, I am repaying my loan which will eventually be pulled out of default and when I reach a certain level of repayment will be pulled off my credit report as a bad debt and relisted as a good debt.

All for $65 a month. Now…tell me that isn’t a sweet gift at the perfect time!

Oh, and more good news –> I just landed a second part time here at the beach. Yeah buddy! Now next months goal of saving, saving and saving more money in my emergency and trip home funds can happen quicker.