Hm

It appears that we are still married. I'm at a loss here. Of course, I had an emotional breakdown when I got home. Don't understand this crying thing. I have a few crying spells in my life, but they were very few. Now the tears just come whenever they please. I hope that one day I can laugh about today.

I drove to the courthouse only to find out that we weren't on the docket there. Find out the judge that has us, and where she is today. I then drive 30 miles to another county (another county?) to find out that we're not on the docket there either. They tried to help me figure out what was going on, and I ended up back at our courthouse. So, I drove 80 miles and I'm still married. Yes, I checked the court records to make sure.

I did luck out on the way to the second courthouse. I was balling down the interstate and trying to set up my navigation on my phone [wrong, I know] and look up into the rear-view mirror to see blue flashing lights. I pull over and the state trooper just looked at me and drove on. Whew. Nicest state trooper that I almost met.

I also have a spy on Facebook. Strangely enough the spy never tells Mike the good stuff I post about him and how much I loved him - only when I lashed out at him.

Love is a strange creature. I sit in emotional turmoil all the time now. I don't know how to not be Mike's wife. We'll be divorced [one of these days I guess] and that confuses me. Even today he told me how much he loves me and wants us to be together. He also said that he didn't call about stopping the divorce because he knew that I would change my mind. I know we need to go ahead and divorce. We are both guilty of assuming the worst.

I have no answers. I don't know where to go from here. I would love to feel better. Even more, I would love to not feel at all.