My Mind

…is a scary place

I don’t recommend anyone trying to get in there. I have enough trouble getting back out and can only imagine what kind of trauma it would cause someone else to end up in there.

I go through moments where I am stuck between being so sad and then to being okay with everything. Doc says I’m a depressive personality. Mom says I am just a sad soul. People around me just say I’m spoiled and think I’m a princess.

It has a ‘label’ –> Depressive Personality Disorder.

I don’t have depression all the time. It comes in waves. Usually marked by a particular event in my past. Sometimes it is marked by an upcoming event. Again, triggering events from the past.

I am discovering a lot about these triggers in my job search. Those questionnaires that you fill out online are hard to answer at times. For a given situation do they mean in everyday life or on the job? See, I usually handle work differently than I do personal events. But…eventually my personal life and emotions will overwhelm me and then it affects my job.

I also realize that these questionnaires are what make it so hard for me to apply online instead of in person (which strangely is becoming the norm, I am told to apply online more times than not).

Do I have five (5) or more of these traits¹?

1. usual mood is dominated by dejection, gloominess, cheerlessness, joylessness, unhappiness;
2. self-concept centers around beliefs of inadequacy, worthlessness, and low self-esteem;
3. is critical, blaming, and derogatory toward self;
4. is brooding and given to worry;
5. is negativistic, critical, and judgmental toward others;
6. is pessimistic;
7. is prone to feeling guilty or remorseful.

Yes. Numbers 3, 4, 6 at times, and definitely 7. When the mood hits me hard, #1 is my total mood. Thank goodness it isn’t my usual mood.

Now that I am becoming more and more aware of my moods and what effect it has on those around me I can begin working on changing this.

I will call this the Princess Syndrome. Now to bring this Princess back to reality and keep her there.